Most parenting advice about sustainability starts with a list of things to do: recycle, buy less plastic, grow vegetables, switch to bamboo toothbrushes. These are, for sure, important habits to aspire to. They’re real, tangible steps toward change.

BUT, if we focus only on doing, we miss something deeper: that action alone can’t reach the roots of disconnection.

Despite the growing number of eco-initiatives, the gap between people and planet is still widening. Our children are growing up more digitally connected than any generation in history, yet more disconnected from the natural world. The unspoken issue isn’t only that we’re failing to act more- it’s that we’ve forgotten why those actions matter in the first place.

What’s missing from all the eco-advice

I tried googling “eco-parenting” the other day.

Within the top five results that came up for me was How to Be a Sustainable Parent, describing a personal challenge to live more sustainably through plastic-free alternatives, reusable nappies and second-hand shopping. Another, 10 Easy Tips For Everyday Eco-Parenting, began with “turn the lights off” and ended with “make recycling the norm.” A third, Eco-Parenting Helps Future Generations Learn How to Care for the Environment, suggested things like (you guessed it) reusing, recycling and walking to school.

Then there was Eco-Parenting: How to Grow Greener Children, which starts with outlining the familiar to-do’s (like recycling, reusing, growing your own food...) but also included a mention of the need to ‘teach their children about sustainability’. The example given though, relates to reducing our water consumption by explaining “Clean, fresh water is a resource we may run out of one day, so we do our best to conserve it and not waste it for the next generation.”

Now, do NOT get me wrong – all of these sources offered IMPORTANT, valuable and helpful advice. I commend all of these writers for encouraging practical action and sharing workable ideas. I am absolutely on their side and cheering them on!

But even with all these excellent tips, there’s a missing piece in almost all eco-parenting advice: MINDSET.

We are simply not focusing enough on the why behind the actions. And I don’t mean the surface-level why (that we’ll run out of water or that climate change is accelerating) but the deeper why. The moral why.

The recognition that the Earth and its resources were not simply placed here for our use and exploitation but gifted to us as part of a larger web of relationship. That we have a duty to act out of care, not only out of fear or compliance. That deep down, all humans have an innate need to love, care for and relate to the wild things of the Earth.

This is something Indigenous peoples the world over have understood for countless generations. But those of us who inherited WEIRD cultures (a term coined by social scientists to describe Western, Educated, Industrialised, Rich and Democratic societies) have forgotten it. We’ve replaced relationship with consumption, and reverence with routine.

We need to help our kids re-establish that love, wonder, awe and respect for the Earth. That starts with mindset, not with more to-dos.

“Start with why”

Simon Sinek’s well-known advice to “Start with Why” was originally meant for leaders and organisations, but it applies just as well to families and sustainability.

In his words, “Starting with WHY is what inspires people to act.”

When we skip straight to the what of eco-living – composting, carpooling, eating less meat – we lose the motivation that makes those actions last. Real change (the kind that lasts) begins when we’re clear on why something matters in the first place.

And that’s what we need to give our kids as well: a clear sense of why. Mindset gives us that. It’s the quiet layer beneath behaviour, the frame through which we interpret the world.

If we want our children to ultimately live differently, we have to help them see differently first.

Mindsets matter more than checklists

Sure, rules and routines can produce short-term compliance. But mindset produces long-term conviction. A child who learns that the Earth is alive and relational will treat it differently from one who learns only that recycling is important. When kids notice, name and care for the living world around them, they internalise a sense of moral relationship – not a set of chores.

As a philosopher, I’ve spent years thinking about how ideas shape behaviour. Fear may spark quick reactions, but it rarely sustains them. Guilt may drive duty, but not devotion. What endures is understanding. When perception changes, action follows naturally.

That’s why mindset isn’t just a soft starting point or an easy-out, it’s the foundation from which ethical habits grow.

So this is key:
I know, modern life asks too much of us - the endless juggle of parenting, work and everything in between.
So if you can’t take on one more to-do, start with MINDSET.

It might just matter most.

How do we change mindset?

So how do we begin to grow this awareness in ordinary family life? My advice: start with noticing.

That’s where it all begins - a habit of attention. Then, keep noticing. And eventually, curiosity will turn into care and care turns into action. If you’d like help building that rhythm, ReGrounded is where I share more of the small, doable ways to keep growing from there.

So, point out what’s already there: the smell of rain, the shadow of a tree, the weed pushing through the pavement. Say it out loud.

The smallest act of attention becomes a lesson in relationship. It tells a child: this world is alive, and you are part of it.

You don’t need a curriculum or a perfectly planned outdoor routine. You just need to remember to look up from your screens every now and then and invite your kids to see the world with fresh eyes – ones that notice the awe and wonder of this good, green earth around us.

The bigger picture

I know we’re all busy trying to do our bit: turning off the lights, rinsing yoghurt tubs, remembering to bring the reusable shopping bags (and then forgetting them in the car anyway).

But the truth is, chasing every eco to-do can leave us more frazzled than fulfilled.

Maybe the real work isn’t about adding more to the list, but about tending to the roots – the mindset underneath it all. Because when we start there, the rest begins to grow naturally.

Small shifts, big impact.

Raising kids who care starts long before the recycling bin. It begins with how they see the world. Let’s change how they see it, together.

With you in the messy middle,

P.S. If you want more concrete tips on how to grow the habit of noticing in your kids, check out my course The Noticing Habit. It’s a quick and easy 7-day email series (that takes 2 minutes to read, 10 seconds to try) and offers a small daily practice to help families rebuild that first layer of awareness. It’s not about doing more, it’s about seeing what’s already here.